Bowel movement man (100 words)

“I’m sure I don’t need to bore you with the details of my bowel movements, but I will…” He intones soothingly to some horrified girls in tiny skirts and plunging tops.
It’s the man in the beige suit jacket with the slicked back hair. Sadly, she thinks, as she drifts though the bar collecting classes, he is only one saving me from a night of excruciating boredom. The throng of tight-shirted, waxed chested, immaculately groomed and toned homo-erotic homophobes, might otherwise impel her towards violent suicide.
Bowel-movement man seems pretty cool by comparison. He beams, while frightening more young women.